Great Spanking Info!

AUTHOR: Spankingbasics.com

Welcome!

This site is meant for anyone who has been having fantasies or obsessions about spanking but don’t know what, if anything, to ever do about it. It is also meant as a resource for friends of spankos, so that they may better understand what their friend or partner is going through and what they may do about it.

Spanking is something that some people in the world are involuntarily obsessed with. This obsession doesn’t make a person weird or unhealthy, nor does it mean they are seeking unsafe outlets for an underlying psychological condition. Spanking, when practiced correctly in a willing and consensual environment, is a really rewarding activity that has brought happiness to those who are wired to want and/or need it.

On the left are the navigation links to the different areas of this site. “The Basics” is the longest and will cover items such as different roles a spanko can have in a spanking relationship, responsibilities of a spanker and spankee, different types of spanking, and also spanking positions and implements. “F.A.Q.s” will cover the questions that people who are new to spanking as a “thing” can often ask. The “Glossary” section will define words you’re likely to see used by other spankos which are not intuitively defined.

Since the age of people who visit this site won’t be determined, this site intentionally omits any pictures, videos, explicit descriptions of adult content as well as any external links to any site which might contain those things.

This site will NOT discuss anything related to children in any way. I’d say “look elsewhere”, but I don’t want you doing that either. If you’re looking for spanking content related to kids, go sit in a corner and feel ashamed of yourself; it’s a much better use of your time.

Basic Stuff To Know

The “Roles”, “Responsibilities”, “Types of Spankings”, “Spanking Positions”, and “Implements” sections can be collapsed by clicking on their respective headers.

Quick Navigation

Roles

SpankersSpankeesVariable TitlesAuxiliary Roles

Responsibilities

For a spankerFor a spankee

Types of Spanking

Spanking Positions

Implements

What is spanking?

Spanking is an act which uses pain, applied exclusively to the recipient’s bottom, as a tool for producing an intended effect. That effect can either be remorse over unwanted behavior, release of unwanted emotions, mutual enjoyment, or any other number of things which will be discussed below.

An important thing to always keep in mind is that spanking is a tool, not a solution. It cannot be applied as a cure-all for what ails a relationship or a person’s behavior. The atmosphere of the spanking, the trust between the spanker and spankee, the rationale behind the spanking – all of these things collectively result in the effectiveness of a spanking. Do not use it as a solution; treat it as a tool that must be used in conjunction with other tools.

What is a spanko?

A spanko is anyone who is fascinated by the act (or even mention) of spanking. This fascination can extend to related activities such as lecturing, corner time, stern looks, etc. Spankos can sometimes clarify their interest by identifying as a “spanko purist” and/or “hard-wired spanko” (see the glossary for definition of those terms).

Roles

Caveat: Remember that a person can claim any one of these roles whether or not they have any knowledge of or experience with it. Finding and engaging a spanking partner of any kind always carries risk with it, whether injurious risk (physical and/or emotional) or anticlimactic risk (you didn’t get what you wanted). Be responsible in selecting one.

Spankers

Disciplinarian

This is a person who disciplines you when you break rules and also (optionally) helps you set said rules.

Mentor

This is a person who helps you set rules and (optionally) disciplines you for breaking them.

Top

A (usually) generic title for anyone who is a spanker.

Spankees

bottom

A (usually) generic title for anyone who is a spankee.

brat

Someone who enjoys misbehaving (either playfully or realistically) before and/or during a spanking.

charge / mentee / ward

These terms have many definitions, but they usually refer to a person who is in some sort of dynamic with a Mentor.

Variable Titles

Switch

Someone who is willing to be either a spanker or spankee, depending on the partner.

Play Partner

A generic term for someone with whom you have a (usually) ongoing spanking relationship.

Auxiliary Roles

Teacher

Someone who is willing and able to help you see and understand spanking-related ideas and practices based on the perspective of their own experiences.

Student

You, hopefully.

Safety Call

Someone who remains available to you (usually via phone) while you’re meeting up with a spanking partner you haven’t fully gotten to know, yet. This person is responsible for helping you or getting you help if you end up in any danger, and therefore needs to know who you’re with, where you are, roughly how long you’re expected to remain out of contact before the worrying begins, etc.

Responsibilities

There are some responsiblities which must be performed by both partners. They include:

  • Learning your preferences and tolerances.
  • Remembering your preferences and tolerances.
  • Communicating your preferences and tolerances to your partner.
  • Responding to what your partner communicates.

In addition to performing your own responsibilities, it is advisable that you also take appropriate measures to ensure that your partner is fulfilling theirs.

Responsibilities of a Spanker

As a spanker, your job is generally to direct and manage a scene from beginning to end.

Regardless of the type of relationship you have with your spankee:

  • Learn how to effectively deliver the type of spanking you intend to give.
  • Learn about an implement before using it.
  • Ensure that you are in an appropriate mindset for giving a spanking.
  • Learn, remember, and act within your spankee’s tolerances.
  • Know what level of markings your spankee is comfortable with before you start to spank. If the spanking approaches that level, check in with the spankee and make sure you understand how they wish you to proceed.
  • Ensure that your spankings are both fair (with regard to why you’re spanking) and more-or-less consistent in intensity, depending on the type of spanking you’re giving.

Depending on the type of relationship you have with your spankee:

  • Provide emotional and/or physical care after a spanking.
  • Enforce any agreed-upon rules.

Things that are NOT the responsibility of a Spanker

  • Prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own. While it is important to remain sensitive to the physical and emotional needs of your partner, they do not have greater importance than your own. Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.
  • Telepathy. A spanker is not responsible for knowing what’s on a spankee’s mind without explicit communication from the spankee.
  • Ensuring that your partner is being honest and forthcoming with their communication. While it is essential to listen to what your partner communicates to you, it is your partner’s responsibility, not yours, to ensure that what they are thinking and what they are saying is the same thing.
  • Clairvoyance. A spanker is not responsible for predicting how someone may or may not react to something without prior experience and/or explicit communication with that person beforehand.

“What demeanor should I have around a spankee?”

Avoid “should”s when it comes to behavioral protocol. You don’t “need” to be stern or authoritative or any other stereotype. Act and react genuinely while maintaining an appropriate respect for your partner. That’s all.

Responsibilities of a Spankee

As a spankee, you have two, basic responsibilities: your safety and your fulfillment.

For your safety:

  1. Make sure you are pursuing spanking for healthy reasons.
  2. Know your limits and limitations.
  3. Explicitly communicate those limits and limitations, where applicable, to your partner.
  4. Effectively safeguard those limits and limitations.

For your fulfillment:

  1. Know what it is that you get out of spanking.
  2. Find trustworthy people who are willing to spank you.
  3. Explicitly communicate your needs and desires to your partner.

Healthy Reasons

Spanking should never be used as a substitute or treatment for addiction (self-mutiliation, drug abuse, etc) nor should it ever be used to ‘treat’ any condition (anorexia nervosa, bulimia, etc), nor should it ever be used in lieu of fulfilling adult responsibilities (if you are incapable of motivating yourself, do not use spanking to compensate for that).

Limits and Limitations

“Limits” are what you’re unwilling to do. “Limitations” are what you’re unable to do. Recognize the difference. Sometimes you may be willing to do something your body or emotions cannot handle. Sometimes, you may be convinced to do something you’re unwilling to do by being told you are technically capable of it. Don’t do either.

It’s important to remember that a limit and/or limitation does not need to be persistent in order to be valid. For example: while the majority of your limits and limitations are likely going to be more or less permanent, an hour-long objection to punitive spankings is no less valid than a life-long aversion to the use of a particular implement. Even if a limit apparently only applies to a particular day, hour, or even moment, it still needs to be treated exactly the same as any other. It’s also important to remember that you may have different limits and limitations based on the context of who’s spanking you, what’s being used, or even what kind of spanking it’s meant to be. Don’t be surprised if you can take an hour-long beating with a cane when it’s for fun but also can’t handle more than a few strokes if it’s for punishment. There are no rules for how (internally) accepting or resistant you should be to any part of this.

Communication

Whether your limits and limitations are physical or psychological, you must communicate those which are applicable to your partner before they can become an issue. While it can be difficult to be that vulnerable in revealing those to someone, this is why it’s important: If you do not clearly and explicitly communicate a limit or limitation to a partner, you are claiming all responsibility (and simultaneously absolving your partner from any responsibility) for any damage done to you as a result of that limit or limitation being crossed. Even if you find that to be an acceptable risk, you also must remember that any damage to you will be putting your well-intentioned partner through a very bad time as a result of any hurt being caused. If you have any personal limit or limitation which might be put at risk during any portion of a scene, your partner needs to be informed of it and you will also need to re-acquire their consent to playing with you before a scene may begin.

Remember that, along with keeping yourself safe, you also have responsibilities with keeping your interests fulfilled. You and only you are responsible (every time) for your partner knowing when you might want or need a spanking. You and only you are responsible for telling your partner when a spanking has gone beyond what you can take. While you might be blessed with a partner who’s particularly adept at detecting these things, especially after being with you a while, these responsibilities never shift from you over to them, nor should they ever be expected to. Pay attention to yourself; make sure your partner knows what’s going on inside your head.

Safeguarding your limits and limitations

If someone wants to convince you that your limits or limitations are invalid, go ahead and hear them out, if you want. It’s healthy to periodically get external perspective and experience applied to your journey. If someone tries to overrule or override your stated limits and limitations, however, fight them on it. Tooth and nail, if you have to. Even if they are technically correct, the fact that you still believe that it’s a limit or limitation means your brain and body won’t be receptive to the act, and it can only result in a negative experience for you.

Things that are NOT the responsibility of a spankee

  • Prioritizing your partner’s needs over your own. While it is important to remain sensitive to the physical and emotional needs of your partner, they do not have greater importance than your own. Put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others.
  • Unconditional obedience. The rules you’re being held and/or the consequences set for breaking them have to be ones that you agree to of your own free will.
  • Unconditional acceptance of correction. No matter what the reason may be, you should NOT accept a spanking you don’t feel ready to accept.
  • Ensuring that your partner is being honest and forthcoming with their communication. While it is essential to listen to what your partner communicates to you, it is your partner’s responsibility, not yours, to ensure that what they are thinking and what they are saying is the same thing.

“Where’s the section on how I’m supposed to behave around a spanker?”

If there is one, you won’t find it here. Avoid “supposed to”s when it comes to behavioral protocol. You don’t “need” to be submissive, pouty, demure, bratty, or any other stereotype. Act and react genuinely while maintaining an appropriate respect for your partner. That’s all.

Types of Spanking

Note: Remember that every spanking must be a cooperative (and complementary) effort if it’s going to be both healthy and constructive. Both of you have to be in the right mindset for the kind of spanking you want to give.

Note 2: This is not a complete list, nor is there any existing consensus on the validity or defintion of these terms.

Arbitrary

A spanking given for no particular purpose, often as a result of the spanking partners simply being in the mood for a spanking.

Corrective

Discipline

Not to be confused with Punishment, “discipline” comes from the Latin word disciplina which means ‘instruction’. A disciplinary spanking is meant to provide instruction for future behavior, as opposed to providing a consequence for past behavior.

Punishment

Not to be confused with Discipline, “punishment” comes from the Latin word punire which means ‘penalty’. A punishment spanking is meant to provide a consequence for past behavior, as opposed to instruction for future behavior.

Demonstrative

A spanking given in the presence of at least one observer, usually for instructional purposes.

Erotic

Spanking given before or during (or sometimes instead of) sex for the purpose of eliciting sexual arousal.

Mandatory

A spanking that is going to be given regardless of the spankee’s behavior.

Bedtime Spankings

A spanking given before bed each night.

Wake-up Spankings

A spanking given at the beginning of the day.

Maintenance

A spanking which is given, usually at regularly scheduled intervals, to ensure that behavior is kept at a desirable level.

Motivational

A spanking given to prompt the spankee to put more effort into completing a desired task.

Playful

A spanking given in a light-hearted atmosphere with light-hearted intentions.

Preventive

A spanking given with the intention of preventing an unwanted attitude, behavior, or action before it can take place.

Relief

Calming

Not to be confused with Therapeutic, a calming spanking seeks to return an overly-emotional person’s emotional state back to baseline.

Therapeutic

Also known as “stress relief”, and not to be confused with Calming, a therapeutic spanking seeks to help someone release emotions that are being unhealthily built up.

Reward

A (usually more gentle) spanking given to serve as positive re-enforcement for a desired behavior.

Rhetorical

A spanking used to win or help win an argument. Unless both partners enjoy this kind of spanking, it is usually unethical and probably abusive.

Romantic

A spanking given to produce and/or intensify romantic feelings between spanker and spankee.

Special Occasion

A spanking given, usually in celebration, for a special event. Birthday spankings are an example of these.

Unique / Colloquial

Blissipline

A portmanteau of “bliss” and “discipline”.

Funishment

A portmanteau of “fun” and “punishment”.

Spanking Positions

You may not expect it, but a poor spanking position can ruin a spanking. It’s important to know about different options, how well they suit different kinds of spankings, and, when necessary, what sort of posture is ideal in maintaining it.

General considerations for any position:

  • For just about any spanking position, it’s ideal that the spankee’s bottom be elevated or pushed out in some way, so that the spanker has a better target and is less likely to strike somewhere else unintentionally.
  • It’s important that the only discomfort the spankee experience be on their bottom. It’s good practice to make sure the spankee is in all other ways comfortable prior to a spanking starting.
  • Make sure that the tip of whatever implement is being used comfortably reaches the far side of the spankee’s bottom.

There are four basics stances for a spanking: Bending over, lying over something, standing, and diaper position.

Bending over

Being over the spanker’s knees

This is known as the classic “Over The Knee” (OTK) position. The optimal posture for this position is to have the spankee’s sit spot (the area between the spankee’s bottom and legs) line up with the outside edge of the spanker’s leg (not the spankee’s waist, as can sometimes happen). It’s also good to make sure that the spankee is positioned in such a way that the spanker is able to use their dominant hand to spank with.

Bending over an object

This position has the spankee bending over an object such as a piece of furniture, with the spanker positioned perpendicularly to the spankee. It’s ideal to either select a cushioned surface for the spankee to bend over, or to provide a cushion of some kind if they are bent over a more solid object.

Bending over nothing – with support

This position has the spankee simply bend over while supporting themselves by placing their hands on their knees or grabbing their ankles.

Bending over nothing – without support

This position has the spankee simply bend over while using nothing to support themselves.

Diaper Position

This position has the spankee lay on their back while holding their legs directly upwards. Either the spankee can be kept responsible for keeping their legs in position or the spanker can hold their legs steady, usually by grabbing the spankee’s ankles and holding them in place.

Lying over something

This position has the spankee lay prone over an object (such as a pillow on a bed) which elevates their hips. This position is pretty fool-proof. The only element to be considerate of is that the distance between the spanker and spankee is equal to the length of the implement that will be used for the spanking.

Standing

For this position, the spankee can either be standing completely upright or they can lean against an object with their bottom pushed out. With the latter, it’s advised that the spankee place their hands on whatever they are leaning against for support.

Implements

Never use an implement that has been damaged in any way.

Common Materials

First, it is important to know the materials from which an implement can be made.

  • Leather – Both stingy and thuddy. Probably has the greatest range of any material in terms of mildness or severity. Must receive regular care or it will start to dry and crack.
  • Plastic
    • Acrylic – Inexpensive, but also the easiest to break. Will usually leave welts on the recipients’s skin.
    • Delrin – Advertised as unbreakable. Usually very flexibly and stingy.
    • Lexan – Advertised as unbreakable. Very dense and thuddy. Use with caution.
  • Rubber – Very thuddy. Can usually only be used in small doses.
  • Wood
    • Dense – Heavy hitter. Very easily bruises the skin. Exercise extreme caution in your aiming as a misplaced strike can damage body parts.
    • Light – Stingy. Will often leave the skin red and somewhat inflamed. Can usually be used for longer periods of time than heavy wood, but will also dry out the spankee’s skin quickly.

Common Implements

The terms used for “intensity” are relative to a spanking which is meant to be felt. When you see “mild”, think “mild for a spanking”, not “mild for a backrub”.

Belt

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelIntermediate Thuddy/Stingy Moderate to Severe Moderate

Brush

Bathbrush

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelIntermediate to Advanced Thuddy Severe Loud

Hairbrush

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelIntermediate Thuddy/Stingy Moderate to Severe Moderate to Loud

Cane

Thick

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelAdvanced Stingy/Thuddy Severe Moderate

Thin

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelAdvanced Stingy Moderate to Severe Discreet

Paddle

Large

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelAdvanced Thuddy/Stingy Severe Loud

Small

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelIntermediate Stingy and/or Thuddy(depending on material) Moderate Moderate to Loud

Hand

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelBeginner Stingy/Thuddy Mild to Moderate Moderate

Ruler

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelBeginner Stingy Mild Discreet to Moderate

Spoon

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelBeginner Stingy Mild to Moderate Moderate

Strap

ExpertiseSensationIntensityNoise LevelIntermediate to Advanced Thuddy/Stingy Moderate to Severe Moderate

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